New Beginnings
by Ordinary and Average
Summary: Newly changed and looking for answers Bella is desperate and lonely.
1. Chapter 1

I should be cold, sitting up all I can see is curtains upon curtains of lashing rain, I look down at my clothes, they are drenched, my once pale blue shirt, now a dark navy and clinging to my skin as the water drips out of it. I know I should be cold, I just can't feel it. I can hear the sound of the rain hitting leaves and the wind whistling through the trees, I can even hear the traffic on the road, the road at least twenty miles away from where I currently sit in the clearing. The clearing, I blink, letting it all come into focus, the bright green leaves on the trees, the droplets of water dripping from them. I look around me, Edward, I need Edward, where is he? He said he would be here when I woke up, he promised.

Standing up I look around, my muscles tense. I survey my body, I look thinner, yet my once barely there curves are now prominent, a tiny waist, with boobs at least two cup sizes bigger. My hands run over my body, feeling its solid smoothness, the marble texture I always felt with Edward, I now felt with myself. A burning sensation begins to rise in the back of my throat, like bad acid reflux, it is searing me. I smell something, it smells delicious. Suddenly I hear a deer near by, I run at full speed towards it, tackling it to the ground. My feeding is in no way delicate, I walk away leaving the deer's mutilated carcass to be devoured by birds.

Gathering rain water in my hands, I use it to wash my mouth, I was as the pure clean water becomes a rusty red colour as it cleanses me, a little water clears me of this deed. The burning sensation has subsided, I feel grounded, stable. Taking a few slow paces, slow for a newborn vampire that is I begin to find my way out of the clearing. Edward, his name echoes in my mind, my body is crying for him, crying for his presence, his touch, the soothing coolness of his body next to mine. I reach the edge of the forest. The sky is dark, I know the chances of being discovered like this are slim, yet I am still hesitant as step out of the protection of the trees and onto the foot path that runs alongside the main road into, and out of Forks.

Walking towards the Cullen's house on the outskirts of town gives me plenty of time to think, to wonder were Edward was, to ponder why he had gone against his word and left me to lay in the cold rain, to face my transformation alone. Approaching the driveway I was hit with a wave of uncertainty, should I really confront him? I willed myself to walk on, to keep my head held high and reach the front door my hand reaches out to knock it. I forget my own strength, knocking a lot harder than I had intended to, the door shakes beneath my fist.

It is Carlisle's friendly face that answers the door to me, a smile that quickly turns to shock and disbelief as he takes me in. "Bella?" his voice comes out uncertain and shaky. "Carlisle what's wrong? You're scaring me!" I plead as he shakes his head. "Bella, you should come in, quickly" he ushers me inside the house, my clothes dripping a puddle on Esme's beautiful hardwood floors. "Alice!" his voice booms upstairs "I need you to bring down some dry clothes please, now!". I am guided into the living room, made to stand in the centre, I hear Alice come downstairs and listen carefully as Carlisle thanks her, taking the clothes and sending her away. Alice seems, sad, unlike her usual perky self.

Carlisle brings me the clothes, leaving the room as he allows me to change, the clothes are simple, plain black sweats and a white wide necked off the shoulder t shirt. I sit down on the brown leather sofa and wait for Carlisle to come back into the room, my hands folded neatly in my lap. He enters, closing the door behind him, it is clear that this is simply between him and I, he doesn't want the rest of the family to know just yet that I am here, I need to know why he is keeping me a secret.

"Bella, you shouldn't have survived the change," he breaks to me softly, his hands reaching out for mine "we checked on you, every few hours, no heart beat, no pain, you were dead," his eyes meet mine sincerely. "Carlisle, I can't be dead, I'm sitting here aren't I? You can see me! You can touch me!" I get frantic pulling at his hand, pulling on my clothing, trying to prove somehow that I am alive. "Yes Bella, you are here, but how is the question I would like answered," Carlisle mumbles.

I stand up, pacing the room at vampire speed. "You all thought I was dead, you thought I was dead and you just left me to rot in that clearing?" I hiss, anger rising inside of me. I hear footsteps rush downstairs and the living room door swings open, it's Jasper. "Carlisle I felt..." before he can finish his sentence he notices me, his eyes bulging wide "but she was..". I interrupt him, "you better not say the word dead Jasper or so help me God I will kill someone!". His eyes widen more in fear as his gift allows him to feel the sincerity on every word I speak.

"Bella, you made it, you're a vampire!" his voice comes out in a shocked gasp and I roll my eyes. "Yes clearly I made it, people in this house need to stop pointing out the God dam obvious, I survived the change, I am now a vampire, I accomplished my first feeding, on my own." Both Jasper and Carlisle look at me in utter shock "feeding?" Carlisle whispers "Bella I mean you really shouldn't have fed without one of us there to supervise! What if you had drained that human? What if they had become one of us?" I look at him puzzled "Human? Carlisle I fed from a dear."

Jasper looks astounded, taking a seat on the sofa facing me. "Carlisle, she fed on an animal, her VERY FIRST feed was on an animal, surely that is not normal?" his voice whispers, the shock evident. Suddenly a wave of guilt overwhelms me, my first feed was from an animal yet Jasper is trying so hard to make sure he only feeds from animals. My accomplishment must seem like a kick in the teeth to him. "Jasper I am so sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned it."

"Bella, it's okay, we can't tip toe around my feeding issue for everyone, it's great that you fed from an animal right away." Jasper runs his fingers through his hair as his breath comes out in a deep sigh. I sit down on the couch, elbows resting on my knees as my head rests in my hands, I shake my head slowly, processing everything, my mind is racing a million miles a minutes, I can barely keep up with my own thoughts. "Carlisle what is wrong with me? Why did I survive?" I look at him, eyes wide and pleading. "Bella, I really don't know" Carlisle whispers his hand reaching out to rest on my arm, a soft and soothing trust. "We can figure it out right Carlisle? You can figure it out?" Jasper pleaded almost desperately. "I can try Jasper, I haven't heard of a case like this, we all thought she was dead" Carlisle answers calmly.


	2. Chapter 2

I have been sitting in this God damn living room for hours! I have been waiting for Carlisle to get back to me with something, anything, Jasper has been sitting in his chair, silent. The others are gone, hunting trip Carlisle said, Jasper stayed because he has to feed more regularly than the others and had only fed a few days before, Alice was in the house, Carlisle said she had been like this since I began the change, she wasn't ready to know about me yet. He is always so silent, so brooding, he looks as though the weight of the world is on his shoulders.

Jasper must have sensed my desperation, I'm sure I reek of uncertainty, fear and loneliness, nobody could answer my questions, nobody could put my mind at rest. Why am I alive? Why did they leave me? Was it just because they thought that I was dead? My mind is racing with a thousand questions, a thousand unanswered questions, they buzz in my head like agitated bees, desperate to get out, my mouth opens, again and again but no sound comes out. I cannot form my questions and fears into sentences, not without sounding crazy.

I stand up, pacing the room makes me feel a little better, it makes the voices in my head quiet, just for a little while, in those moments that I am walking I can hear every step that I take resonate on the floorboards beneath me, I can feel the vibrations spread outwards, as long as I focus on that, as long as I walk I don't have to think about anything else. I don't know how long I've been pacing for but suddenly a rough, calloused hand grabs my arm."If you keep pacing like that you're going to put a hole in the floorboards Bella,"Jasper laughs. I let his hand on my arm guide me to the sofa and sit me down gently.

"I know this is a big change for you, I'm sure everything seems a little crazy right now, but I promise we are all here for you and Carlisle will find the answers," Jasper soothes, his voice washing over me like a pure honey. I realise he is manipulating my emotions, using his gift to calm me. I feel my breathing return to normal, my body is relaxing, the tension I didn't realise I was holding in my shoulders is released. I sigh in happiness. "You really shouldn't manipulate someone's emotions you know," I tease leaning back as I look up at the ceiling.

"I only use my powers for good," Jasper laughs. The tension between us is broken, suddenly he's no longer moody, hard to reach Jasper, he's just Jasper. I grab the remote, turning on the T.V, I flicked through the channels not paying much attention to anything, it was the usual daytime T.V crap that was playing, talk shows with women bitching about other woman and fawning over actors young enough to be their sons. On the other hand there were crazy programmes, people fighting with their partners about who fathered their child or who slept with who, chairs being thrown, weaves being detached.

My ears picked up a noise outside, the sounds of a car rolling up the gravel drive outside of the Cullen's house, it was an average sized car, certainly not the car the Cullen's would have taken on a hunting trip. I made a move towards the window but Jasper grabbed me by my upper arms and held me back. "Bella, it's Charlie, the town thinks that you have gone missing, he's been coming around here every day asking us if we've seen you," Jasper hisses in my ear as I struggle against him. "I have to see him, that's my Dad Jasper, I can't break his heart, I can't let him think I've been taken, or ran away!" I moan as I fight against his restraints. "Bella, please, you can see him as soon as we figure this all out, I promise." Jasper mumbles.

I hear a knock at the front door, Jasper and I stand completely still, not making a single sound, not even breathing, a few more knocks follow, Charlie rings the bell again and again, by this stage tears are streaming down my face, I hate hurting him, I hate lying to him. A few minutes pass and he moves away from the door getting back into the car and driving away. My body is racked with sobs, my ribcage is shaking almost painfully as I gasp for air that I don't need.

"I know, I know it sucks to have to lie and to hide and to know that it is hurting people that you love, but Bella you need to figure this out before you can go living with Charlie again, he's a human and you're a newborn, you may not be able to control yourself around him, feeding from him is one thing, but your newborn urges may force you to take more than you need," Jasper soothes stroking my hair gently, his soft, calming nature influencing mine.

I sink down from his arms onto my knees on the floor holding my arms tight across my chest as though trying to hold myself together, I pant knowing that it is all psychological, I don't need air I simply crave it. I crave my heartbeat beneath my fingers, I crave the warm softness of my skin, I crave human Bella. I cry out a long wail of pain.


End file.
